So here’s the thing. When I started my business I was in a different place in my life. I had a husband that was unemployed, and I was doing everything I could to build the business. Taking on every job I could possibly handle. I was trying to build a portfolio to be able to further grow my business. AND, my husband was home with our kids the entire time I was running all over taking pictures, and sitting at my computer till the wee hours of the morning editing, ordering, and corresponding. They were not with sitters all the time. I still felt mommy guilt, but not to the extent that I feel now.
Things are different now in our home. My husband is no longer unemployed, and his new job takes him out of town a lot. So I’m basically a single mom 5 days a week with 4 children, a full time job, and a part time job. Most days I can handle it all without too much trouble. But sometimes I have moments of realization like I did last night. Moments where I realize that my children are growing up without their mommy most days. I am missing out on their little lives. Missing out on all those memories that I can never get back.
I feel this strong urge to step back from things and regroup. I am feeling out of control and like my own family is no where near the top of my priority list right now. It’s my own fault. I am no good at work/life balance. I have no problem leaving my day job in the evening and completely forgetting about it after I walk out the door. Because my day job is not my dream job. It’s a job that is necessary for our family right now. But this photography gig is a different story. I LOVE it so much, I love creating, and I love being able to provide beautiful images to my clients, of their children & families. Because of this love, I am no good at finding a balance. A balance of getting to do what I love so much, and getting to create memories with and enjoy my own family. I think I need a life coach! :)
I share all these very personal thoughts to say I have no idea what all this means. Makes perfect since right? No seriously, I think it just means that I need to slow down and re-evaluate things. AND, that there may be a few changes in how we run our business during this crazy time of our lives.
I guess that’s the great thing about having your own business.
You can make changes when you need to.
I hope to make changes that will be a win win for both you and I.
These are the moments that I need more of!